Say something about gay babies.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
