I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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