grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
