My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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