Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Randomize
