If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
