he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
