Hey man sorry I got all grabby
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
