I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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