I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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