I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
