can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
