ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize
