Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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