The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
We need to get me chipped asap
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
