just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
