What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
