wakey wakey hands off snakey
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
FUCK WHALES
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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