So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
