took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
