So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
