No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
