my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
