wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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