ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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