so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
