it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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