Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
