I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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