i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
