Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize