Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
