I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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