I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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