Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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