Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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