she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
