I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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