Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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