Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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