why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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