shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
