My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
