I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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