be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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