no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
