Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
im holly from the hills drunk
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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