Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
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Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
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Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize