The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
