woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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