I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
