Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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