thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize