I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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