About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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