I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i will never coherently bang her
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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