So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
