I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
worst night to have a conscience
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
