I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
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He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
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i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
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