How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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