Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
