he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
