im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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