dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
