We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
