it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
