# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
