halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Randomize
