I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
