we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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